Always
by Bynamearose
Summary: - "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 Finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care. Rated M to be safe
1. The Darkness You Choose to Be

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: Prologue: The Darkness You Choose to Be**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: I DON'T KNOW, OKAY!…So, yeah…I should be working on my other fics, this is just…my way of working out writer's block. So, bite me.**

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William Penn once said, "Never give up while there is hope; but not hope beyond reason, for that shows more desire than judgment." As I closed the door behind me; the door I had _once_ seen and come to know of happiness, friendship, and love - I realized William Penn didn't know how right his words were.

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Lucas POV

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"I think you drank too much," I can hear Jamie's voice ring through my ears, sounding much louder than he did normally.

"I think you're right…"

"Damn, looks like somebody got thrown through a plate glass window."

…Nathan.

I open my eyes to the sound of the shade being pulled up, immediately regretting it as the brightness stings my eyes. Quickly re-closing them, I refuse to surface from the pillow above my aching head.

"Dude, it seriously smells like ass in here," Nathan says, my own inner voice again urging me to dig deeper under blankets and pillows.

"And rotten cheese," Jamie adds in.

He's still in front of me, I know, but right now my entire being wishes he wasn't.

"Go away…"

"Ugh," Jamie says, obviously disgusted, "And bad breath."

I lift my head up and hiss, "I said, go away."

Both Jamie and Nathan look shocked and their eyebrows lift into their hairline.

"Holy crap…"

"What?"

"Have you seen your head," Nathan asks, still looking surprised as James jumps onto the bed, excited, "You have a Mohawk."

"I do?"

I turn over, blinking tiredly and am surprised to grasp what I knew to be my hair, following Jamie, who seemed happy about the hair cut and asked his father if he could get one. Damn it if I wouldn't get hell from Haley for that one…

"Sure, if you wanna look goofy like your Uncle Lucas."

"Kinda like he has a tail - but on his head…"

Somehow this doesn't make me feel better about the drunken decision.

Nathan tells Jamie to head for the kitchen and I take the time sit up, only grasping some of what Nathan is telling me.

"Yep."

"…ten games left."

The number makes the entire rest of the season seem useless and I know, as I tell him the one game I'll make it to, somehow it wouldn't have made any difference whether I was at that hearing or not.

"Not for you."

Jamie rushes back in and hands me a water bottle and, as Nathan convinces him to wait outside for him, I can't help but laugh at myself slightly as Jamie says goodbye, adding with enthusiasm, "Cool hair."

Nathan closes the door and I know he's going to tell me what I already know, but need to hear.

"Look, Luke, I know, from experience, whatever answers you're looking for - you're not gonna find 'em like this. Trust me. Now, it sucks that Lindsey's dating again. And it sucks that you grabbed that player but don't make it worse…The darkness doesn't have any answers, Luke."

We share a strange look of what seems to be agreement and understanding and he grabs the handle of the door, making his way out. But, just before he's all the way out, he pulls out an envelope.

"By the way," he throws it at me and, though groggy, I catch it, giving him a look of confusion, "This was stuck to your door."

I lightly toss the bottle of water onto my bed, and pick up the letter. My eyes drifting over my name, I immediately recognize the handwriting as Peyton's.

Opening up the letter and reading it, my mind was drawn to one thing that stood out in the many regrets and past hopes the letter contained; Peyton was leaving Tree Hill.

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**A/N: The song of the chapter (Yes, I took this from Tree Hill producers) -**

_**What You Want to Be - Archie Star **_**(Very…pop-ish but it fit ****_really_ well) **

**So, the first little quote thing - that is Peyton's POV. The rest is Lucas' POV. Got it?**

**Okay, so guys, the reason this started in a sort of same way the finale did, is bacuse I'm not going to do anything else containing episode 5x18. The rest is going to be all me. **

**And, before I start on the next chapter, I would like to say this (because I've always loathed 1st person POV with a passion), THE REST OF THE STORY WILL BE IN 3rd PERSON POV. I'm a detail writer, so this point of view is hell for me to write .**

**By the way, I know everyone will be and probably has been doing this same thing but, really, some of you that are my friends on here, should know _I just don't like swimming the same direction all the other fish go, ya know?_ So, keep your expectation's up and kick me in the literary arse if they suddenly drop. See, that is why I love writing -insert awkward laughter here-.**

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **


	2. And So We Let Gravity Pull

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: Chapter One: And So We Let Gravity Pull**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: Yeah, I have top say it's an understatement that the last chapter was a slight dud. But, you know, that's prologues for ya. **

**I angst-ed with Peyton here…I promise the next chapter will be longer, more complicated and overall more Leyton-y…If that's a word…I hope it's a word. **

**Anyhow, moving on…**

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"Pain is why I did that then, and why you do this now." - Blake Allen

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She could not describe to herself what she was feeling now…She had hid her feelings and she had screamed her feelings but it seemed even worse when the feelings became so much deeper and darker - and therefore so much harder to admit- that she could no longer say them aloud. The entirety of Lucas, Lindsey, and those three little words seemed to pound in her head, like the headache from a band she wished she'd never heard.

Peyton Sawyer was relatively lucky.

Peyton Sawyer had her own record label.

Peyton Sawyer had friends who would support her until the day was over.

Peyton Sawyer had two out of the three things most people would die for in life.

So why is it that one thing - that one thing God knows she had cried for and fought for - made her entire world both fall apart and revive itself, all within an instant.

_It was her gravity_, her steadying force on the ground - the loss of it making her helpless to the pull.

It made no sense. How could he still control her like this? How could he make her feel so invalid, so past-tense and in the same moment, she'd still want him to take her into his arms and tell her he loved her?

They say love is the heart's own betrayal. It can make you live and make the adrenaline rush: hard and fast, a feeling that helps you know you're alive, helps you breathe in a room with no air. But by the same token, pull you down into a state so deep, so darkened and grasp at you with the prospect of death, a much more desirable fate.

Letting the water balloon drop from her hands and on to the concrete ground, Peyton Sawyer let the pull of gravity splash moisture on innocent bystanders, a sudden numbness errupting in her.

After all, in the long run, why wear bright colors at all, if not for target practice?

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A bored cashier could only stare blankly as middle-aged woman (and what looked to be her teenage daughter) walked into Clothes over Bros, rolling with them a bright pink stroller, carrying a baby that could not yet be a year old. The two females chatted non stop, their conversation muffled and their fingers reaching to feel the texture of fabric. But, as another hand reached, this time from the stroller, looking to grasp something as well, it caught no one's attention.

And, low and behold, what did the youngster find but a cashmere sweater. And where else did it fit but in the mouth; young slobber coated the sleeve and, by the time the mother and daughter had caught the small infant, the damage had already been done.

"Angela, no!" The mother's eyes widened as she hurriedly took the sweater from her child and read the price tag "Oh, no…Oh!"

Looking up from a set of company papers, Brooke Davis, fashion designer extraordinaire quickly stood up in confusion. _What had happened?_ But, as a crouching mother tried desperately to fiddle with the sleeve of an expensive sweater, making her baby squeal and giggle with a form of amusement only known to babes, Brooke had a slightly discomforting notion that she already knew what had happened.

"Oh, God, I am so sorry…"

Pushing all thoughts aside, Brooke walked to meet the anxious mother and the woman stood up, apologizing profusely.

"I'll pay for that, really-"

"Don't worry," Brooke said, smiling.

The mother looked a wreck…The fashion designer's eyes raked over the innocent eyes of a blonde baby girl.

"I'll take care of it, really, don't worry…" Brooke couldn't help but stare at the innocent infant, who now had her thumb in her mouth, and smiled up at the slightly shell-shocked mother. "She's beautiful…"

"T-Thank you," the woman stuttered, overwhelmed in shock, "she's-"

"Brooke!"

The brunette lifted her head to see Lucas jogging from the front doors, sporting a shaven head reminiscent to the one he'd had returning from Charleston.

"Lucas?"

Finally the blonde stopped jogging, hunching over slightly to catch his breath. Amused, Brooke crossed her arms, an eyebrow arching.

"Nice hair."

Lucas stood up completely, chest still rising a falling in quick but shallow breaths. "Thanks. Listen, Brooke, have you seen…" He inhaled a small breath at the name he'd been trying to avoid all morning. "…Have you seen Peyton?"

She frowned at Lucas, eyes narrowing in slight contempt. "No. She's packing the stuff up in her office."

Nodding hesitantly and starting a sprint for the door, Lucas thanked her.

"Luke, what did you do now?"

It was said softly, and Luke knew exactly who and what she was talking about. _What did he do to make her leave?_

It was true, there hadn't been much said between her and her best friend. But when the curly blonde had come in one night, eyes red, face flushed - the clear proof of her broken heart - the strangled words that had been drawn from her friend's lips were enough to confirm the suspicion that Lucas Scott done something stupid…._again_.

Leaving the question unanswered and a fashion designer sending a worried stare after him, he backtracked out of the store.

_Don't hurt her, Luke_, Brooke thought, staring after his leaving form.

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The question still rang in his mind as he his feet picked up an anxious pace.

She couldn't leave.

It just...wasn't possible.

She had to be bluffing.

Yes, Lindsey leaving him was hard; he loved her. And, yes, he might have _drunkenly_ taken it out on Peyton. But…what was she going to do? Run away from him? Run away from everything she'd accomplished here?

It didn't make sense. It just…couldn't make sense.

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**A/N: **

**Song of the Chapter ;**

_**Gravity - Sara Bareilles**_

**OH, YEAH! Yahoo! Updates, updates, updates…And short chapter. Yeah, I've been working on the next chapter too, so it should be up sometime tomorrow. **

**Am I the only one that was completely at a 'head-banging' stage with Lucas in the finale (or just the fifth season, really)?**

"_**I did not break her heart."**_

**_-_**

"_**Lindsey said no, Hales, I said yes."**_

**IDIOT. **

**And I hope to God he doesn't pick Lindsey….Even if he picks Brooke (She's too good a friend to Peyton to say yes), I really don't want him to pick Lindsey. Or marryLindsey_. Even if she's not the bitch painted in some fics._**

**Oh my God, people responded to my prologue!! Okay. So, I'm not use to the few but treasured responses I sometimes get. Sue me. Anyhow, lovin' the reviews, guys…Keep 'em up! **

**Good for trapping (I mean...'putting') a tortured artist and a tortured athlete alone in the same room.**

**So asking the readers a question (and helping the next chapter go faster), what is a really good Leyton song? There are too many for me to sort through, so just through 'em out there. I'm determined to find a song with lyrics really…I dunno…_intimately _close with Lucas/Peyton for the next chapter. **

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW. **


	3. Like a Comet, I Was Wondered At

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: Chapter Two: Like a Comet, I Was Wondered At **

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: I know, this chapter is longer and more of a cliffhanger than the last two. I'll tell you a secret - it was on purpose.**

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"Being seldom seen, I could not stir

But, like a comet, I was wondered at"

- William Shakespeare, King Henry IV Part 1, Act 3, Scene 1

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For the first time in a long time, Peyton felt as though she was doing something for herself. It felt good, to focus on work, to hang out with friends, and to listen to sounds of great bands.

But, all in spite, these times would stop being about good music or friends as she'd think about him. Her thoughts would drift back to sandy blonde hair and blue eyes - and now there would be three new words that could repeat in her head with his image. Not anymore though.

As she continued putting things in boxes, Peyton smiled, and dusted her hands off, as though she had worked with an especially nasty piece of chalk.

She would move to independence. So, Lucas kissed her and proposed to Lindsey in the very same night. So, Lindsey left - but not quite before he said, "I do." So, it was her ring first. So, Lucas hated her and basically wished she never left...Nevermind, this wasn't helping.

This was her life. And Lucas Scott did not control it.

At the thought of the name, Peyton visibly frowned and, turning a knob on stereo, vowed to push the man out of her head for the next couple hours, until she was out of Tree Hill.

And, with that, the radio started to play…

_**Gone away**_

_**Are the golden days**_

Peyton's frown deepened as the lyrics continued as softly as the music.

As proud as she was of Mia, it seemed that many of her lyrics could define perfectly how she felt at the moment. Somehow the emotion broadcasted through the speakers was also her own. She had always found that was the best thing about filling that silence. But, right then, it was also the worst.

_**They're just a page**_

_**In my diary **_

_--_

"_That's me inside your head." _

"_What?" _

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Leaning back on the desk, Peyton shook her head and picked up one of the sample disks she'd been sent from interested artists. Distractions were to be her greatest friends; after all, they had been for four years.

_**So, here I am, a utopian citizen **_

_**Still convinced there's no such thing as idealism **_

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"_Peyton-"_

"_B-but the truth is, I want all the same things that you want, I do….And I want them with you."_

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_**Memories, they're following me like a shadow now**_

_**And I'm dreaming**_

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"_I've been holding this in for a really long time. You just…need to know. I love you. I'm in love with you." _

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_**And I've already suffered the fever of disbelief**_

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"_Cause I should have said yes." _

_Silence. _

"_Luke, I was young and scared. And I did not realize that by saying I wasn't ready, it would mean that we would never be together again. Had I known that, I would have said yes."_

"_Peyton-"_

"_No, Luke, I miss you everyday. And I've told everyone here that I didn't come back for you but I did. Of course, I did….I still love you, Lucas."_

"_Peyton-" _

_A passionate kiss and a break of contact, only followed by another kiss, then initiated by him, and a slow end._

"_You still love me, don't you?" _

_/-/-/-_

"_Lindsey, I'm sorry. I never wanted-"_

"_Lucas asked me to marry him."_

_Peyton didn't know it then, the startling realization that he gave the same ring to Lindsey he was going to give to her._

_The perfect metaphor, it seemed; and it seemed to be everywhere but around her finger. _

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_**I've seen your act**_

_**And I know all the facts**_

_**I'm still in love with who I wish you were**_

The memories seared her mind; kisses, touches, and soft words all exchanged by the two. The lyrics defined them clearly, as though sharpening the blow to her already pierced heart.

"Damn it," came the shaky breath as Peyton dropped the cd and turned away from the door, leaning her weight on the desk.

What was she doing?

_**It ain't hard to see**_

"Peyton," a masculine voice called loudly, though she could tell it was from the bottom of the stairs. And, following the voice, the sounds of rushed footsteps echoed throughout Tric.

_**Who you are underneath**_

"Shit." Turning and wiping her eyes and letting out a ragged breath.

_**I'm still in love with who I wish you were**_

"Peyton."

The voice was softer and closer and it took everything in her to turn to him - to deny him that pleasure of her broken heart. _She was fine._

_**...I wish you were here**_

"What do you want, Lucas?"

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"…You really are leaving."

He doesn't answer her question.

"No," Peyton snapped defensively, still turned to the desk, "I'm just not staying here."

It was a pathetic defense...but what else could she say? She didn't even know why she felt the need to answer to him in the first place, like she owed him an explanation.

Lucas couldn't help but rake his eyes over the boxes that filled the room. It was funny; the room was not completely bare but it seemed so…lifeless and…empty without the personality that Peyton had left around the office. He could only imagine what it would be like if (and when) the room would be totally cleared out.

"So, you're going."

A forceful nod.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," she said, refusing any emotion in the statement.

"Without saying goodbye," he asked, slightly hurt.

"You hate me, remember?" She narrowed her eyes, a mixture of hurt and anger in her own expression. "I figured you wouldn't notice. Or care."

"Peyton, I never meant-"

"Never meant to tell me you hated me," her voice was raising now, still lacking any weakness and layered with anger and sarcasm, "Or that you wished I never came back…Or that I ruined your life."

Silence fell between the two and Peyton turned again to her desk, pretending to look busy. Lucas closed his eyes and sighed.

"I don't hate you, Peyton. I never have…"

Peyton swallowed back the tears she felt stinging the back of her eyes, stopping herself from turning to the man behind her. "Fine, Luke...but I'm still going."

"Why?"

Peyton raised an confused eyebrow, turning towards him. "Why what?"

"Oh, c'mon, Peyton!" Lucas was growing tired of beating around the bush. "Why are you leaving?"

"Did you hit your head on the way up?" She shook her head, staring down angrily at the floor and crossing her arms. "You know what? Fine! You wanna know why I'm leaving?"

Lucas nodded.

"I'm leaving because I'm done here, Lucas." He is silent; his jaw clenches slightly and she continues, her eyes glaring holes in the floor, "I'm done hurting and feeling like _I _was the one to blame for you and Lindsey."

There was a silence and Peyton bit her lip, holding back the hurt that was apparent on her face, as she'd spoken. Lucas took a step toward her, her reaction; a step back, away from him.

It hurt him, it did.

"Peyton, I never-"

"And most of all," her voice (loudly) cut through his, layered with almost-sobs that made the remorse he had grow and his heavy heart tighten, "I'm done with you, Lucas."

He swallowed at the words and she continued to stare at the floor, shaking her head. By now, a tear had made its way down her cheek - but she refused to let him see it. She refused to let him know he could make her weak.

"I'm done, Lucas."

"You…you don't mean that, Peyt."

At the nickname, she shook her head with fever, wiping the stray tear away.

"Yes, Luke, I do…I don't want you in my life anymore."

The silence that filled the room seemed unbreakable to both blondes and, as she turned away from him again, Lucas' disbelief filtered to anger.

"So you're just going to run away?" He looks at the floor and shakes his head, more than anything, upset at her exclamation.

For a second, Peyton thought about snapping around to him, an already initiated fight flaring at his words. She wanted to turn around on him, Lucas Scott - the apparent _victim_ in the triangle that had started since she'd come back to Tree Hill.

"I'm not discussing this with you, Luke."

But she didn't.

And he persisted.

"What about your label? Or Haley and Nathan? What about Brooke?"

Okay, now she was just confused.

"What are you-"

"You're just going to leave all that behind, Peyton," he asked, almost shouting by this point, ", just move to some far off city - just to avoid me. Have I got that right?!"

"What," she questioned, eyebrows raised in confusion as she shook her head.

"Lucas, I'm not moving from Tree Hill. I'm going with Mia…on her tour."

**A/N: I'm sorry for the lateness of my update. But, with two other fanfics, an original screenplay, work, and equine art….I'm kinda bushed. So, if you haven't guessed, my updates will probably be _once every two weeks to once a month_. Sorry…But, hey, it's not the worst offer in the world. **

**Song(s) of the Chapter (and in the chapter);**

_**Wish You Were Here - Kate Voegele **_

_**Peachy - Missy Higgins**_

_**Kindly Unspoken - Kate Voegele**_

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **

**Just a little fun fact; it is proven that reviews improve the fanfiction writer's psyche and encourage them to write more chapters, faster….Just a thought.**


	4. Don't Say My Name, I Need You Too Much

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: Chapter Three: Don't Say My Name, I Need You Too Much Now**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: _I would wait a lifetime…I would wait for you - Center of Attention, Jackson Waters. _Because you _know _they're gonna be endgame. Anyhow, luffs ya!**

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"There are three things in speech that ought to be considered before some things are spoken - the manner, the place, and the time."

- Southey

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It was like the world had stopped on a dime for Lucas Scott; the shock could paralyze and destroy.

A sense of lingering relief coursed through him and he felt as though he'd ran a marathon; his blood rushed, his heart sped - and though his body might've told him to slow down, his mind reveled in the sheer adrenaline.

"You aren't moving?"…And then came the humility.

But she _was_ saying-

"No," Peyton said calmly, and she started to wring her hands slightly, "At, least, not now…"

"So, what, you're just gonna pack up and leave when you get back?"

Her green eyes narrowed on him as she turned away and fingered the edge of her desk.

"I don't know yet," she replied, her voice carrying an unsure-ness that gave away her indecision.

The tension in the room was thick and, in the meantime, she'd tapped her fingers impatiently, waiting for him to say something or leave. She didn't want him there. Lucas put a hand on his hip as he stared angrily at the ground. What was he supposed to say to that?

"How long?"

"What," she looked up, confused.

He'd have to say it again…Great.

"How long…until you go?"

"Tonight," came the short reply, and it was obvious whatever vulnerable honesty she might have once given him was gone.

He swallowed and gathered himself for a response.

"Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"

"Lucas, I left that letter on your doorstep two days ago. Judging from how you got here," she noted his shirt; the first four buttons undone, wrinkled and ruffled in the wrong places, "I'd say you spent the rest of your week drunk over your ex-fiancé. But maybe I'm just seeing things."

There was a hurt silence and Peyton felt a slight tug as she realized that her jab had gotten its point through - she had made him feel as weak as she had.

"Why?"

Her eyebrows pushed together at the syllable of a question and she stared in confusion.

"Why leave? Why go with Mia?" The question was softer than his previous words and seemed more curious than hostile. Though Peyton continued to fiddle awkwardly with the things on her desk, she turned slightly, to catch a reluctant glimpse of the novelist from the corner of her eye.

Damn it all to hell. "I talked to Mia last night…She met someone - out on tour," she hesitated, her own nervousness catching - this time not entirely over the male behind her, "He said he knew Ellie."

What in the hell was she doing? One look at him and then _poof_; she was confiding in him, treating him with the same trust she would Brooke.

…Damn it, she hadn't even told this to Brooke yet.

_And the plot thickens._

_Nice_ _going, Sawyer. _

"And you think…" She jumped as the words flew from his mouth. For a moment, she had barely registered his presence. Her head had tilted back and her hands had moved; one to her hips, the other threading through her hair - she just didn't know what to think.

"I don't know. That's why I'm going to meet him," she snapped, and suddenly felt like the worst woman in the world.

_PMS-ing, Miss Sawyer? _

_Tsk, tsk._

Lucas looked her over carefully, taking her change of moods in stride; she looked as though she hadn't slept in days…Though, he guessed that phone call didn't help.

"How long will you be gone?"

The words spilled from his mouth in a rush. He couldn't have stopped them if he wanted to.

The few seconds of her easily made silence made him regret the question. He could hear her now: "Nice, Lucas, really. I was expecting something a little different but, hey, 'Peyton. This guy that knew Ellie - you think this could this be your father? Oh, by the way, how long until you leave' works just as well."

She arched a high brow, which in his experience meant one of two things; she was trying to be sarcastic or coy, or…she was angry. She shook her head and let out a breath of air.

"I'll be out of your hair for three weeks, maybe a month, if you're lucky," was the bitter reply and as she her eyes drifted to floor again, she rolled them, "At least, what's left of it."

Lucas opens his mouth to retort, to apologize - to say _anything - _but the words get lost in his throat. He stared at the ground. He ran a hand through his newly shaven head, unconsciously mimicking a previous movement of the blonde across from him.

"Peyton, I didn't mean-"

"Forget it, Lucas. It doesn't matter."

He was silent for a moment and almost deliberate tension was brought between the two as Lucas mulled over the frustrating behavior of the curly blonde in front of her desk. There was a time when they didn't need words to talk. Now it seemed as though they wouldn't ever talk the same - and he could only need her words to understand.

"You're leaving," he said softly, but firmly. She wondered if this is a statement or a question but nods all the same.

"And after you get back, you'll-"

"I told you; I don't know," she sighed, now irritated by the question altogether,

"But, whatever it is…I'll do it without you, Luke." Without looking at him, she let out a heavy breath, sitting down on the edge of her desk and letting out a silent puff of air. The room is quiet for a second and, just as he thought her walls were down, she got up, shook her head and made way behind the desk, stacking the files that lay atop. "You have to go, Luke…I need to finish up here."

If anyone had wondered the extent of emotions of which an expression can show, Peyton Sawyer could certainly brief you on the many twisted faces caught often in anger or heartache.

She had watched the tears of anger, sadness, and loss her father had cried when her mother had gone. She tried to hide her own many a time; when both her mothers had passed, when Lindsey had told her of she and Lucas' engagement, and, again, when that engagement turned into a wedding-turned-runaway bride scene.

And, now, even as her own arms wrapped around her shoulders and she avoided his eyes with a desperation, she could feel his hurt and anger - and it mirrored on his face, twisted into an expression of cold stone, hardened by an even colder nod.

"Fine."

--

--

--

Haley James Scott had known Lucas (Eugene) Scott almost all his life. She had watched him, even after he made mistake after mistake - usually revolving around the bundle of curls in his life, Peyton Sawyer, - and, even though she knew him to be a thoughtful, intelligent, caring person (He had many faults, yes. But he was a loyal friend to her - and she never forgot that), these mistakes…always made her question the person he would become - the person he had become.

And, now, as she watched Lucas make another mistake…somehow more painful than the rest, she once again wondered who he had become…and how she had missed or…ignored her friend becoming so lost.

"She's leaving."

Sigh.

"I know, Lucas. You've been saying that for the past hour and a half."

_Another_ sigh.

He was sitting in the kitchen chair, which she had pulled into the living room after he rushed in angrily, accusing her of lying to him about Peyton when they had talked that morning.

Needless to say, the conversation looked bleak - and the start even bleaker.

Getting up from her seat on the couch, Haley walked slowly into the kitchen, shaking her head and opening the fridge absentmindedly. She pulled out a carton of orange juice, setting it down on the counter.

"You're lucky Nathan went to the gym…he'd kick your ass for doing something stupid like that - especially to Peyton." She shuffled through the cabinets, looking for anything resembling a glass.

"But she's _leaving_!"

Sighing and reluctantly forgetting the orange juice, she lets out a breath of air as she walks towards him, sitting down on the edge of the couch, leaning back and crossing her arms in a stern way; one she had perfected with Jamie.

"Seriously, Luke…Can you blame her?"

His head snapped up and his incredulous blue eyes met hers.

"Luke…You know, you do some really…jackass things sometimes," she started and Lucas narrowed his eyes, wondering where his friend was going with this, " - especially when you've been hurt. But she loves you, Luke. And you have done some pretty stupid things since she's been back…like the kiss at Tric - _or_ the engagement afterwards...whatever your pick."

Lucas' expression once again turned south and she could only sigh as she prepared a speech she knew, as a best friend, she was obligated to give when he screwed up.

"…I know you loved Lindsey-"

"_Love_, Haley," he says testily, "I _love_ her."

"Fine. You love her. But saying that to Peyton…"

"Oh, c'mon, Haley! I didn't mean it like that and you know it."

"Yeah, _I _know it. Peyton on the other hand - she's in love with you. A lot of times it's easier to believe the bad over the good. _You know that_…and it's not like she has a lot to tell her otherwise."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means." There's a stare between she and him and he looks away, unable to brush off the sense of guilt his best friend could bring. "You and Peyton - whatever sort of friendship you had with her '_way back when' _- haven't been all that steady. And Peyton feels a lot of guilt about you and Lindsey and the wedding: even if she did step back and let you move on. It hurt her, Luke - even if you didn't mean it."

"Hales-"

"No, and if she wants to leave, move on somewhere else, _you need to let her_."

For a second, the room is silent and, for the another time that day, Lucas is speechless: out of words and out of explanations for how things had gotten so confusing and overwhelming - how far at wit's end he and Peyton had come.

Haley sighed and leant forward, putting a comforting hand on her friend's thigh.

"You are a really great guy, Luke. But…somewhere along the way, you got lost." She breathed in and stood up, looking down on him with a sad smile. "Just do me a favor…Find whatever makes you happy - _truly_ happy. Whether it's Lindsey, or Peyton, or," She gave a small 'God-you're-full-of-drama' laugh, "Brooke; I don't care, as long as you're happy…I feel like I'm losing my best friend."

Again, Lucas looked at the floor, swallowing the guilt that told him that he hasn't been the kind of person he wanted to be, the kind of person Keith would be proud of; Haley certainly wasn't proud of him. And Lucas could not find the slightest self pride for the events that had occurred since Brooke and Peyton had come back - he couldn't blame them for their lack of pride; his choices had been poor and he had hurt the people around him.

"I'm sorry."

He looks up; Haley is pouring that glass of orange juice, looking up at his words. Again, that bittersweet smile takes form and the guilt hurts as she utters her next words.

"It's not me you should be sorry for, Luke."

She knows it too well - in the girls he's had, in the trouble he caused; it's hard loving Lucas Scott.

--

--

--

"Brooke, I'm only going for three weeks."

Brooke Penelope Davis had known Peyton Sawyer for a long time. So much had changed since the days of snow forts and the overuse of eye makeup - so much loss and pain that had torn them apart and stitched them back together. They knew, between the two, their bond was strong enough to survive anything. _They survived Lucas Scott, after all_.

But one thing would never change in the mind of the fashion guru; Brooke Davis _always_ got her way.

"P, you and I both know you're just doing this to avoid-"

"Brooke!"

"Jesus, we can't even say his name now?"

"You can say it all you want tomorrow. Can you just wait until then?"

"Peyton." There was a warning tone; it was obligation of best friends to tell the other when they're wrong. It was just easier for Brooke because…it didn't happen as often for her.

"Brooke," the blonde mocked, teasing her friend as she threw more clothes into the suitcase in front of her.

"I'm serious, P. Sawyer…You can't go."

"Why not?"

This conversation had gone on for sometime and not yet, of all the excuses she had brought to attention, had one trumped Lucas Scott - and all the drama that came with him.

Yes, he had been there for Brooke when she needed it. And he would always be 'Broody' to her - but Peyton came first: especially with the way it had been since the two brooding blondes had been stuck in the same town.

"Because."

"Because…why?"

"Because…I need you, P. With Angie gone…" The brunette paused carefully, "You know that I'm gonna need my best friend. You know, for some middle-of-the-day-craving shopping trips."

Peyton laughed slightly. Her best friend may have been a rich, famous, extraordinary fashion designer - but there was never a moment when she stopped being _the_ Brooke Davis, much like her former, _high school _self.

"You'll survive, B…Besides, who knows what'll happen. Maybe the adoption agency will call and I'll turn back around early to see the new munchkin - it's only a couple weeks, give or take."

Brooke gave a sigh, pulling the skinny blonde into a hug, gripping her tightly in the childish hope that if she never let go, her friend would stay.

"Oh, P. Sawyer…" There was a heavy sigh that followed and Peyton smiled into her friend's shoulder.

"…I'll miss you too, B. Davis."

--

--

--

Haley sighed softly as Lucas had finally calmed, his once shouts now inner thoughts.

She didn't know whether it was better or worse; but she did know it was quieter...at least it _would be_, until she interrupted the silence.

"Luke-"

His head snapped up and she felt the best friend's guilt tug at her gut. But she was Peyton's friend too, _damn_ _it_.

"Luke, I'm gonna need to tone it down a little bit tonight…"

"What?…Tone what down?" His face was a picture of confusion.

"The, uh…," She sighed, biting her lip, "Leyton drama."

"…Leyton?" Somehow that didn't sound good.

"It was something Brooke - Yeah, you know what, never mind," she shook her head and the blonde across from her raised an eyebrow, nodding all the same.

"What makes you think that there's going to be drama?"

Haley gave him a look that clearly said, 'you are drama: whether you like it or not.' Needless to say, he didn't really care for it.

"Let me rephrase…" He rolled his eyes. "What makes you think there's going to be drama _tonight_?"

--

--

--

**A/N: _To be continued… _**

**Okay, I have lots to say about this chapter, so, if you get bored, just review and help my self esteem issues - my therapist thinks it helps.**

**Haley - This introduction of Haley James Scott, ladies and gentlemen…..Don't get me wrong, I loved Haley in the finale (actually, I started worshiping her when she told Lucas he was still in love with Peyton - or, that was what it appeared from his book). I just wanted a more…descriptive Haley - kinda showing what Haley feels about Lucas' change in the three/four years he's been without Peyton. I hope I got that through…if not, tell me how in a review, eh?**

**Brooke - without Angie? Yes. I don't want to go into what exactly happened (If I did, I'd probably have to write a fanfic about it) so, I'm saying she gave Angie up yesterday. But, no, sadly Lucas was hung-over and, therefore not there - even if I thought Luke being there for her was cute and so 'Old Lucas Scott'. So, yeah, this story has some plot jumps from the finale. **

**Lucas - Yes, he's still selfish. See, I'm not like the writers of One Tree Hill, who seem to think change of hair means change of heart…I'm going to make him change the way he did before (I want the type of change Season 1 brought - from the disappointment Peyton had in him -after sleeping with Nikki- he changed into a better person, in my opinionSee Season 1 - Episode 5: "The Leaving Song"). **

**Peyton - Hot and cold? Yes. I wanted her to have the conflict of letting him in or not - and in the end: _a desire to_. That was always a big issue with her and if she wants him out of her life, she won't want him involved (or even aware) of the issues she's dealing with - unfortunately, that inner battle is slightly biased. Not much else to say about her except…she's not gonna be a bitch, like she is in a lot of fanfics, but she will be tough (and have her bitchy moments) - Lucas deserves all the crap he gets from her though. This season, he was a mess.**

**Okay, a couple of other things - just to tell you about what's _not_ going to happen like they do in a lot of fan fictions;**

**Lucas and Peyton with not get together immediately when she gets back.**

**Peyton will leave but Lucas will apologize before she goes. **

**Lucas won't immediately realize he loves her when she leaves - or before she leaves. Denial will continue for a little bit and he will still be _Season 5 Lucas _until he realizes what he's done and who he's hurt.**

**--**

**On a different note, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to _insideoflove90 _off of LiveJournal - for her amazing reviews of Season 5 (and Leyton in a nutshell), which brought out the happier, more hopeful Lucas/Peyton shipper in me - which was the reason this chapter is so much later than I planned. But, seriously, check them out! I can guarantee, by the time you finish, you'll see why Leyton is endgame, no question. **

**And another dedication; this time it's to my faithful reviewers: _lukenpeytonforever_, _MaryBBlove23_, _Looney4MyTunes3_, _Mels175_, _spotsunshine, m3MRyz_, _purplebutterflies, yaba, libra20, ThisIsRealThisIsMe, bunnygirl101, _and_ lizzy1234._**

**Anyhow…I hope you enjoyed and, if you're interested in being my beta, don't be afraid to ask. **

**By the way…anyone catch the meaning of _poof_?**

**--**

**Song of the Chapter ;**

**Lie in the Sound - Trespassers William **

**--**

**NOTE:**

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **


	5. Borrowed Time, I'll Fall Behind

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: Borrowed Time, I'll Fall Behind**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: I am so sorry for this late of an update, guys. Really; life has just grabbed me by the jugular lately. I'm working on the next chapter right now.**

--

--

--

"Time, time, time, see what's become of me,

While I look around,

For my possibilities;

I was so hard to please.

But look around the leaves are brown

And the sky is a hazy shade of winter."

- Paul Simon in "Hazy Shade Of Winter"

--

--

--

"Why am I going to this thing again," Peyton asked wryly, searching through her suitcase, unsuccessful once again.

Brooke, cleared of the denial stage in Peyton's leave, shook her head, clearly not letting her friend argue with her on this. Peyton was determined not to see Lucas - and Brooke could understand that - but she would be gone soon…and this would be worth one night of Lucas Scott.

"Because, best friend, everyone wants to wish you goodbye before you abandon us."

Once again, Peyton shared with Brooke a guilty smile. Brooke had been taking this trip quite hard and a part of Peyton realized this wasn't being the greatest of friends to her, what with Angie gone. However, before she could give in, suggest staying a few more days, Brooke had told her; if she needed to go, _then she needed to go_,and if she was going to stay it better not be for her…Comments like that didn't make her feel any less guilty though.

"C'mon, Brooke," Peyton said, turning around and stopping her search of the suitcase, "You know it's not like that…I'm not going to aban-"

"I know, P." Brooke's raspy voice was followed by a sad smile, as she turned from the mirror to face her friend. "I just really don't want you to go. I'm gonna miss you."

"Hey." Peyton walked towards Brooke, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they walked towards her room. "How about, when I get back, we have a girls night: just you, me, and - if you'll hold her down - Haley. Just like old times?"

Brooke laughed, as she and Peyton separated.

"And they say I act like I did in high school?"

Sticking her tongue out and giving the brunette's shoulder a playful push, Peyton started searching again, sighing as, once again, her efforts were unproductive.

"This what you're lookin' for?"

Eyes wide, Peyton turned and gasped, almost indignantly, as she grabbed a small package from Brooke's hands.

"Yes," her mouth turned up into a smile, "Brooke, where did you find it?"

"On your dresser, _Blondie_," came the drawl as the sound of Brooke's heels left her room and carried into the living room, the noise mulled by her now shut door.

Smiling weakly at the closed door, Peyton looked down at the suitcase, as though, for the first time today, taking in the dramatic change that was her decision. She couldn't help but let out a breath.

Today was going to be a long day.

--

--

--

"...How could you _not_ tell me?"

That was the cold voice of Lucas Scott. The voice that seemed to echo throughout the other Scott's household. The voice that Haley James Scott was becoming ever so familiar with.

"Luke-"

"So, what, were you just not going to invite me - wait until I accidentally showed up later?!"

"Please just listen-"

"What…did Peyton _ask_ you to do this-"

"Luke, I-"

"Because, last time I checked, _my best friend _would tell me something like this; she wouldn't hide it until the last minute-"

"Lucas Eugene Scott!!"

And, suddenly, both voices were silent. Lucas stared down at Haley, his breaths still heavy and shallow from his hostility.

"Thank you," came the both frustrated and relieved breath from Haley and she sighed, blocking out the headache his yelling had brought, "….Luke, you know Peyton's leaving tonight."

Slowly, his eyebrows pushing together, he nodded. Haley mirrored the slow nod, still slightly shaken by his previous anger, and sighed.

"We're gonna wish her goodbye, Luke," she bit her lip and, with a little more confidence, carried on, "Tonight, she's leaves on tour and she won't be back for.…for a while. She deserves _one night_, Luke." He gave her a look of confusion and she elaborated compliantly. "She deserves one night - without all this drama between the two of you. She deserves a night that could make her miss Tree Hill - with the people that'll miss _her_-"

"And you don't think I'm one of those people?!"

"No, Lucas, I know you are. But….God forbid anything happens tonight. Because, as much reason as she has to stay - as much life as she's built here - I can think of something that could make her leave…_for good_."

He sighed. He just didn't know what to say to her anymore.

"Just…let it be tonight. You two can sort out your issues anytime when she comes back - just let it go for now."

Lucas looked ready to protest, adverting his eyes, but Haley stared him down pleadingly.

"Please, Luke…"

--

--

--

Lucas had stood from the in the chair from the kitchen, Haley now gone and left. He was now, for the first time today, sober and alone with himself.

His thoughts seemed to ramble in his head, as though the events - every word he'd heard today - set off inner bombs. Unfortunately, he looked it too; his brow was furrowed, his posture was slouched, yet thoughtful, and his jaw was clenched so tightly, he would be amazed if he could talk again.

"Uncle Luke!"

Turning around and smiling with a happiness he couldn't _possibly_ posses at this moment, Lucas grunted as the five-year old embraced him tightly.

"Hey, J-Luke."

Kids sometimes have the ability to turn the worst of days into the best of conversations. This was, perhaps, a monument to those moments as Jamie innocently started rambling, like any good five-year-old, and Lucas felt the edges of his lips turn up. There was not a sadness in the world that couldn't wither under that boy's grin.

"…Isn't it cool, Uncle Lucas?"

"Sure is, Jamie…" Ruffling his hair, Luke leant down, forcing a smile for his nephew. "Say, do you know where your dad went?"

"Jamie!"

Speak of the devil.

Immediately, as though on cue, Jamie had quieted, a solemn expression taking place of the smile as Nathan walked in. Lucas raised an eyebrow as there was a quiet between the two, too brooding to fit the small child in front of him.

"...Jamie, how about you go find your mom?"

A quick look shared between him and his father and Jamie nodded abidingly. Hugging Lucas, Jamie quickly ran to find Haley, his unlaced shoes only slightly slowing him down.

"What's up with-"

Nathan shook his head, cutting his brother off. "Nothing, Luke."

"Yeah, it looked that way."

Nathan glared, avoiding his pointed sarcasm. "You look like hell…"

"Funny," Lucas let out, aware of the change of subject - but letting it slide, "I feel like crap."

Pulling up a chair and exhaling, Nathan raised a sympathetic brow at Lucas. "Seriously. How're you doing?"

"Not much better than this morning, Nate…Peyton's leaving, Lindsey is _still_ dating someone else, and, apparently, Haley feels like I'm drifting away - I'm just perfect."

Nathan gave a snort. "Talking about someone who's been drunk all week, maybe she has a point." There was a glare from the man opposite and it was easy for the younger brother to shake it off, no guilt had for telling his brother the truth. "Just saying."

"Yeah, well, don't."

"How're things with Peyton?"

Unwelcoming to another revival, Lucas sent a harsh glare at his younger brother. It was undeserved, he knew, but, somehow, he felt it warranted.

"Don't go there, Nate."

--

--

--

It had been hours since they had spoken, her and Luke, and still the words they shared blared into Peyton's memory.

It was like her mind was set on repeat; the scenes just kept playing and there wasn't much more to do than sit back and watch.

-

"_I'm done with you, Lucas."_

_He swallowed at the words and she continued to stare at the floor, shaking her head. By now, a tear made its way down her cheek - but she refused to let him see it. She refused to let him know he could still make her weak._

"_I'm done."_

"_You…you don't mean that, Peyt."_

_At the nickname, she shook her head with fever, wiping the stray tear away._

"_Yes, Luke, I do…"_

-

For the moment, her mind basked in the idea that she would be gone, away from a scruffy, indecisive author and his smart, perfect, ex-fiancé editor. Sighing inwardly, she berated herself for referring to Lindsey unkindly. It wasn't her fault her ex kissed one - then proposed to another…She wasn't responsible for his choices.

Peyton had cursed herself so many times, mostly when her thoughts took a self-pity notion and strung it along - other times when her heart had shattered and she made her own attempts to excuse Lucas' behavior. She had gotten so used to it, it came so second nature, it was a wonder she hadn't taken up voodoo yet. This thought made her strangely inquisitive -not for any pain - pleasure ideals, but for the simple practically of causing pain from far away, the simple thought of how truly literal this idea was.

Sitting on the bench next to an empty court was not how Peyton had planned to spend her last day in Tree Hill…at least, her last day for a while. She imagined that Lucas was at Nathan and Haley's, making some romantic plan to win back Lindsey. At the thought, her heart clenched in its fast rap against her chest; it was unfair and uncaring but his attentions were elsewhere _obviously_.

It wasn't as though Peyton didn't care how he felt about _her_; on the contrary, she had been remorseful about his wedding-turned-horror flick. She'd left the entire day behind her, denying every ounce of her gut to tell Lucas that _she_ was missing out on a really great guy - to be the girl he could still come to, even if Lindsey disliked it. Instead, she distanced herself, flying out to convince _her_ to come back to him, to convince _her_ that his 'I do' meant something, which, despite Brooke's thoughtful speech about him denying his heart, did.

_And that turned out perfectly, didn't it? _

Ignoring the sarcastic thought, Peyton lifted herself from the bench, her legs leading her to the middle of the court, her eyes tracing the faded names marked into it. Kneeling slightly, her fingers traced her own name. It had been so long she wrote there and, frowning, she realized it wasn't just the signature that had faded.

…Maybe Lucas had taken up voodoo as well.

--

--

--

"Damn, I just can't believe baby girl's gonna be gone."

With one hand pulling up the end of a roll of streamers, the other holding pieces of tape, Skills struggled to maintain his balance as he stood on the ladder under him. Also below his height, Mouth, Fergie, and Junk slowed their movements, the conversation expected to turn somewhat reminiscent…or regretful, whatever they chose.

Nathan, who had momentarily stopped his raid of the fridge, nodded his head in agreement, his arms filled with bags of snack food and, more recently, a couple of beers.

"Well, believe it. Peyton's not going be around for a couple weeks."

"I know. It's like Peyton and Brooke just got here - now Peyton's going away on tour," Mouth shrugged as he continued, "It's kinda weird, ya know?"

Shaking his head, Skills climbed down the ladder slowly, directing his attention to the room.

"Why the hell's skinny girl leavin' anyway?"

At that moment, Haley, who was making her way there, stopped at the entryway, her eyes immediately meeting her husband's. Nathan frowned, dropped his head, and focused his attention on popping of the cap of one of the beers in his hand. As Haley continued her walk to the middle of the room, she sighed as well, checking her watch wearily.

Today was going to be a long, _long_ day.

--

--

--

"Brooke…," There was a nervous glance, "I'm not sure I can go in there."

The brunette's head snapped back to her so fast, Peyton could've sworn she heard a lasting crack of cartilage. Narrowing her eyes, Brooke shook her head stubbornly, only causing Peyton's frown to deepen. There was no way she could do this: not after this morning.

"You're gonna go in there," Brooke started firmly, turning off the ignition to Peyton's _Comet,_ " you're gonna let everybody tell you how much they'll miss you," Again, Brooke's eyes slowly pinned Peyton in place, both mentally…and somewhat physically, "and you're gonna be fine…"

"You're doing this, P."

A sharp intake of breath on the blonde's side and, reluctantly, she followed Brooke's form, stepping up the driveway with an air of confidence only for display. As Brooke grabbed her arm, aware of the broody blonde's nerves, Peyton nodded.

"I'm gonna do this...I'm gonna be okay."

**A/N: Miss me?**

**Song of the Chapter ;**

_**Borrowed Time - A Fine Frenzy**_

**OH, YEAH! Updates, updates, updates!**

**Gah, guys, I'm really not trying to make Luke such an ass but, God, it's so easy! No, seriously, I would like to clear up some misconceptions that have been made (Not by you reviewers though - You guys rock). I've just gotten some interesting messages lately and would like to clear the table.**

**#1) I don't think Lucas is, generally, an ass…I think he does some pretty stupid shit, and isn't called on it enough, but, overall, I think he is a very relate-able character.**

**#2) All Leyton shippers dislike Brucas, therefore, I must hate Brooke/Brucas myself. NOT. Brooke is one of my favorite characters, just to make this clear, so no, I don't hate her. **

**As for Brucas, I don't think they're endgame…and wouldn't be ecstatic seeing them back together. I think their relationship was just too insecure, ya know? Not completely superficial, like what has been said, but insecure….But, technically, that is high school immature, huh?**

…**Oh, never mind. Point is, I don't hate/dislike Brucas. Do I think their fans are more abusive? YES. And, if you don't agree, think 'Pucas'…It's rude and disrespectful, frankly. But I digress. **

**I love Brucas for what they were and, occasionally, if I can find a fanfic that doesn't include Peyton doing something so out of character and _slutty_ (-cough- likeseasononeBrookemaybe?-cough-) that it ruins the entire fic for me, I am pleased to the highest degree. I like the more mature Brooke - She'd actually make Brucas _better_,even if I don't really want it to end that way. **

**#3) I don't hate season 5. Do I think it was frustrating as hell? Yes….But it made Leyton for me. And I'll tell you why - I wasn't a hardcore Leyton shipper until season five. I was keen on Leyton in season 1 - but never really cared much for them (I already knew it was gonna happen. -puts on cheerleader voice- Like duh!).**

**Lucas and Peyton sort of proved their love for me this season. For the first time, I could really see what Lucas was feeling for Peyton - and, unlike Peyton from season four, I couldn't quite get a grip on where Lucas was with Peyton until the - "I was wrong. I'm not the one for you." speech to Brooke and Skills with his, "Maybe you're the one that's confused….She happened to be there but you chose to be there" routine with Luke. So, yeah, season 5 was awesome for me. No hate to be found…except to whoever made Peyton so meek in 5x18. You, my friend, can suck eggs. **

**Also, I really did like 5x18 for its Jamie/Nathan moments, so, I tried to add as much innuendo as I could - since I really didn't want to write out that part of the story line.**

**--**

**Also, I'd like to thank you guys for your sweet comments. **

**Especially, m3MRyz. You're comments always make my day.**

**Anyhow, hope you liked. **

**Chaoi!**

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **


	6. The Emotional Strings

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: The Emotional Strings**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: Running Away - Midnight _Hour _(Thank you, lovely reviewer). Seriously, play this song. 'Tis amazing. **

**Also, for the record, I posted this before 6x03. So, hah.**

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"Should I, after tea and cake and ices,

Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?"

- T.S. Elliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

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_Don't lie and say that it's okay_

_It's alright if there's nothing more to say_

_So I'm running away_

_I'm leaving this place_

_Yeah, I'm running away_

_I'm running away_

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--

Lucas Scott had never been one to pout when he didn't get his way. No, most of his actions were much more self-involved, as though a personal prize, rather pointless but somehow meaningful, somehow _satisfying_ to him. He would brood for a few days, act as if nothing had happened, and would soon be on his way, hiding his head from the subject altogether.

In his freshman (and sophomore…._and_ junior) year, he had never gotten his way with Peyton Sawyer; hell, he'd never gotten a _word_ with Peyton Sawyer. He'd sit and watch - just watch how she acted with the world around her, how her curls would sway as she walked, how those legs went on forever - but never set a foot his direction. Stalker-ish? Yes. Self-medicating? Unfortunately. It was a dead-end cycle then, his actions unproductive, only fulfilling a strange, foreign desire not even he could explain.

Six years later, Lucas Scott was still the unexplainable animal he was then. It was only proven truer as he'd watched Peyton walk through the front door, around her, all smiles and laughter - and he felt the contradicting urges he knew much too well. A part of him wanting to put on a smile, congratulate her, hug her goodbye - to simply be near her and act like nothing had changed over the past four years, the past _weeks_. Another part, a more selfish side of him reveled in the idea of keeping his resentment towards her. It was easier, being the guy that told her he hated her, the guy that was angered by the change in drift her arrival caused in his life.

And, God, what a _drift_ she had caused. Even in those first weeks, Lindsey had questioned his love for her. What _was_ that? Why was it that every time Peyton entered the picture, _his_ picture, the woman he loved would just disappear, as though afraid of her mere presence in his life?

Lucas wasn't an idiot; he understood perfectly well why and how insecurities built, especially concerning past loves. Peyton was once his future, his belief, his everything. Still, he just couldn't fathom Lindsey's leave. He was there at the alter - to _marry_ her, for God's sake. And, yet, somehow, that wasn't enough to keep the **non existent** threat of Peyton at bay…

It was unfair. All of it. Lindsey had been such a constant in his life. She had been his rock, his shelter. And she had been too good to be true about his past. She'd edited a book centered around his ex, for fuck sake. And, even then, her ability to push past that pain he'd felt with Peyton was astonishing.

"_We all have our pasts, Luke. It's okay."_

There was not a word she'd said that had ever made him think that this would one day be his future; him sitting, broken hearted, left at the alter, and surprisingly bitter about the crashing wave in his life - once again, abandoning her home and heading back out to sea.

But Lucas Scott was never one to pout.

--

--

--

_Don't tell me that I'm the one to blame_

_It's too late for you to make me stay_

_No, I won't stay_

_So, I'm running away _

_I'm leaving this place_

_Yeah, I'm running away _

_I'm running away_

--

--

--

Never again.

Peyton Sawyer had always been able to fake a smile, fake conviction; hell, she could even fake happiness and ecstasy if she wanted to. For years, hardly anyone had ever questioned that: her father, away at sea; her boyfriend, an uncaring jerk. Brooke was about the only person who tried to understand, even through her nights of endless one night stands; at least she was there. At least she cared to look.

But, somehow, looking back on the time, there was still no comparison of how her world had changed - how she had changed - after the night she almost ran her boyfriend's brother down.

She'd remembered it so clearly. One minute, there she was, fishing through her back seat for a Led Zepplin album. The next, she was being stared at by the bluest eyes she'd ever seen; the boy beholding those blue eyes frozen in place - only moving to take out his ear phones. At the time, she'd just thought it weird, altogether alien, and, impatiently, she rolled her eyes before sending a rude 'move it' gesture his way. Like it or not, that moment changed her life and, so, without encouragement, did the boy in it; the only boy to look deeper then that of the façade she'd put on.

And, so many times, she wanted to forget that moment: to forget him….God, she'd wanted to. If only she could. But every time his essence would overwhelm her; she'd take at look at what her life would be without him and - _flash_ - there was a connection that not even she could explain, years on end.

And, even mingling through a crowd of friends, it was still…hard to explain - and even harder to avoid, what with him sitting just across the room, his gaze traveling from the floor - then back to her.

Even after years of being in his presence, listening to his way with words, there was not a denying soul, save for a teasing Nathan, that could deny his good looks and charm. He was handsome; it wasn't a compliment - or a fawn - or any kind of opinion at all: it was simple fact and judgment.

But the way he was sitting now, slouched, yet stiff, with a bitter expression that could rival any she'd seen before, she found it somewhat tougher to ignore him, even in his abnormal, hostile behavior; to ignore his intense stare that pierced her directly was practically impossible. She denied herself a glance at him, knowing that their interlocked stares could mean nothing but trouble for either of them.

Brooke gave her friend a small pat on the arm as Peyton's gaze turned away from him and towards her shoes.

"You okay, buddy?"

Peyton sees Brooke's gaze glide towards Lucas and the skinny blonde shakes her head, lifting her chin with a fake smile. She wants to look over at him, to talk to him, and somehow make this okay. But Brooke doesn't need to know that.

"Fine, Brooke."

The two syllables don't come close to fooling Brooke but, nonetheless, she smiled back, slipping an arm around her friend, turning her into a one-armed hug. Peyton sighed inwardly, the guilt of two now sinking in.

Nope…never again.

--

--

--

_And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place_

_And farther than you can find me, I'm leaving_

_Yeah, I'm leaving_

--

--

--

"Hey…"

Cautiously, Haley had sat next to friend. She loved him dearly - but he'd been so all over the place lately. And, now that he knew Peyton was leaving….she'd never seen him so angry. So hurt. His feelings were, perhaps, unfounded…but not untrue. Even if he'd brought this on himself, Haley felt for him.

"Hey." Again, his stare never met hers - only drifting back and fourth from around the room to the curly blonde both knew so well.

"You still mad at me?"

Lucas reluctantly found her stare, shaking hid head with a frown. The truth was, he was more pissed at Peyton…and himself.

Again, he feels the contradicting notions.

He knew he shouldn't, but apart of him blamed Peyton. If she hadn't just…shown up, maybe he would be with Lindsey right now. Maybe he'd be happily married. Maybe things would stayed…easy.

Another part of him hated himself. Said part knew _he_ did this to himself. _He_ kissed Peyton. _He_ lost Lindsey. _He_ said he hated her…_He_ was the one that fucked up.

"…was never mad at you, Hales," came the mumble as Haley's lips lifted into a sad smile.

She put a comforting hand on Lucas' shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Luke."

He sighed audibly, his eyes now blatantly glaring holes through Peyton. "Me too."

Haley's eyes left him as she followed his gaze and glanced between himself and Peyton. His blue eyes raced over Peyton and, as though there was no one else in the room, they stayed there, unmoving; staring, just memorizing her until her absence. Watching him, Haley's eyes narrowed with her suspicions. Even with a knowing stare, she moved to keep them from him. But, with the way she saw Luke looking at the blonde across the room, she somehow doubted he'd stop to discover her.

--

--

--

_And I, I'll never let you find me_

_I'm leaving you behind with the past_

_No, I won't look back_

_--_

_--_

_--_

"…Haley."

The brunette looks at her and all-too-suddenly, the impact of her leave makes her breaths short and shallow.

"I'm gonna go."

Haley, surprised at the blonde's voice, looked at Peyton, frowning with obvious disappointment.

"Oh, well…" She paused, biting her lip. "I'm gonna miss you, girly."

"…You too, Hales."

Sometime in those minutes, there was an almost tearful hug shared between them. Neither of them knew who had embraced first. But neither of them seemed to care. As they pulled back, Peyton smiled sadly. She doesn't want to say goodbye - and though she and Haley had their differences in the time she'd come back - she suddenly wasn't sure whether her heartache of Lucas was worth such a great friend.

--

--

--

_And I don't want to hear your reasons _

_Don't want to hear you tell me why I should stay _

_--_

_--_

_--_

Lucas felt his tongue drop into his stomach, a burst of nausea as he watched Haley bite her lip, then wrap her arms around her friend.

Honestly, he just wanted someone to jump out and yell, "gotcha!".

He wanted this to be a joke.

A prank.

A _bluff_.

Anything but truth.

He watched her goodbyes with everyone.

He watched her smile as she took in all the people telling her that Tree Hill would miss her.

He watched as the goodbyes were over and there was a sad mumble left behind as she walked away.

Unfortunately, that was about as much as he could watch.

--

--

--

_And try, try to understand me _

_And try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay_

_I, I'm moving on from this place_

_I'm leaving and I won't quit running away_

--

--

--

"Lucas."

Haley watched her brother-in-law finally lose his cool. It figured, he'd find his temper right about now.

"Haley…"

He'd spent years in high school chasing, just staring after her as she walked away. When Peyton came back, it seemed, the roles were reversed; Peyton chasing after him as he and his life went forward. Now, in the lovely game that was theirs, it was as though the were right back where they started. Right back chasing after the other. Right back in high school, right back in junior year; not really noticing how much drama they caused.

Nodding towards the door, she gave him a look.

That was all it took.

"Hey. What happened to Luke?"

Shaking her head, Haley made her way into the kitchen, her husband trailing after her, confusedly.

--

--

--

_I'm running away_

_I'm leaving this place _

--

--

--

One last stare.

If, four years ago, someone had told her she'd end up here, she'd have laughed.

She'd have laughed, walked on, and embraced her life, _her love_ even harder.

And she wouldn't have blinked once.

A part of her wondered, as she slowly slunk down to her Comet, whether fate was just a turn of events. The end of the road is decided by you, she'd once thought. Now, though…it seemed as though someone was dangling her dreams just before her. That was her end. Her dreams. And she would just have to follow the path that led away from them because, despite Brooke's faith in her future with Lucas, she couldn't wait on hope.

She looks down as she reaches her vintage Mercury.

Before him, this car was always her baby. This car was a uniqueness that she enjoyed and appreciated. Now, the car…it was almost a burden against her. True, she hadn't sold it. At the time, Max was right; the car was a piece of her because, before Lucas, it _was_ just her. It was, her, and her friends, and her music. But now apart of that was taken away. It was what ended Lucas and Lindsey. It was what turned her world upside-down, from an almost manslaughter to a broken wedding. Having Lucas in her life had, at one time, been only an addition, the boy that fixed her car. Soon, he became a closest friend. Someone who believed in her when she didn't believe in herself. Then, he became lover. He became her future plans, her source of inspiration and worth. And now, to her dismay, even one of her oldest pieces of her…was intertwined with him, deeply connected by emotional strings she couldn't cut.

It was a far fall from the independent woman she once was; her heart just wasn't hers anymore. There was a piece of her she'd probably never get back.

"Peyton," came a call from the Scott front door.

She looks up.

And the blue eyes that held that piece had never looked so terrifyingly unknown. She needed to leave.

_--_

_--_

_--_

_Yeah, I'm running away_

_I'm running away_

_--_

_--_

_--_

**A/N: **

**Song of the Chapter (and in the chapter);**

**Running Away - Midnight Hour**

**OH, YEAH! Yahoo! Updates, updates, updates!…And three weeks without them. I know, I'm a bitch.**

_**Why I didn't write a 'party scene'**_**; I'm not at all good at scenes with more than ten characters. I could go on and on describing a high school party or a formal party but, really, I tend to get bored when the paragraph turns away from purpose (or fluff/smut). **

**On another note; again, I must rant about the apparent lack of Leyton on here. **

**And the complete teardown of Peyton's character in these Lucas-takes-Peyton-to-Vegas-and-finds-out-she's-a-whiny-bitch stories. Seriously? I'm _really_ disappointed. If I was to write a Lucas-takes-Brooke-to-Vegas-and-realizes-he-made-the-wrong-choice (coughagaincough) fic, I could do it without making Brooke's character flawed and…overbearingly needy. Understand, Brooke/Lucas writers? It is possible. Try it sometime. It twists my stomach that "shipping" Brucas seems to mean that Peyton isn't…Peyton. **

**I like Brooke/Lucas stories, I do. Though I don't think they could work as a "forever and ever" couple, they had some chemistry. Leyton, in my opinion, had better emotional chemistry. But that's just me. That doesn't change the fact that Brooke is smart, _friendly _(…get your mind out of the gutter, perverts), and is all over a great and, more in recent seasons, mature character. **

**It shouldn't change Peyton's character just because the tables were turned on a Brucas shipper. **

**Also, before, I finish my OTH rant of the chapter, I'd like to say that in my last A/N, I did not mean that Leyton shippers weren't at all abusive to Brucas/Brucas(ers). As a matter of fact, I came across the term 'BrucASS' during my regular search in Leyton forums; And I can say, I don't like it, I don't agree with it, and I don't think it's witty in any sense of the word….HOWEVER, it's the rarest I've heard of the taunt in the five years I've been a OTH online junkie. And in comparison to 'Pucas', which I've seen way too many times for comfort, is lesser used. **

**--**

"…**And I think your ass is gonna look _really_ great in that mirror."**

**LMFAO**

**On a much happier note, Mark has won _a bit _of my forgiveness back with making sense of 6x01 with Leyton….even if it was corny (and predictable) as hell.**

**On the other hand, now that Lucas is back to being…sober (?), I'm not sure how many of you guys will actually want (Season 5 - Lucas Scott) to go through the process of change. (Let's face it, changing from ass to nice guy isn't an overnight thing…at least not in my world) Or will want to see him take the time to be forgiven by Peyt. (Which, by the by, was, thoroughly disappointing for Peyton's character and worth…but that's just me. Either way, Leyton made up it)**

**So, if you would like to see the rest of this fic, I would really like to see a review saying you're still interested. I don't expect it, or plan to put this story on hiatus because of it - but I also wouldn't want to waste my time on a story nobody wants to read. **

**As for 6x02...I told ya so. Brooke and Q. I knew it was gonna happen and, God, am I the only one pissed that Mark seems to make Leyton a giddy, slightly uncaring couple (or at least say some Brucas fans) in the fact that they are the only ones 'happy' for that short amount of time? (I know..."B-but they're oblivious, Rose!"...I think this Brooke storyline has made me a little paranoid whether Leyton's gonna get dragged through the mud and the muck.) I'm not sure if Mark's doing it purposely…or he just doesn't realize the ammo Brucasers are happily able to use.**

**If I see another Brucas story to the robbery story line, I'm gonna scream. I do like Brucas. Believe me, I'm more than happy to see good Brooke/Lucas stories updated. However, I don't like when they turn Brooke into "needing rescued". In other words, I don't like it when they replace Peyton with Brooke...But, hey, Mark gave them such an _original_ idea now, didn't he? **

**My hope is sort of disintegrating rather than rejoicing Leyton. I'm finding the start of this season sick-to-my-stomach cheesy and over the top, staring with an over-done, completely preposterous Nanny Carrie the Kidnapper plot and the less than appealing gun-wielding Brooke….Why is it I'm starting to feel light-headed and queasy? **

**Also, to my discomfort, "Were you ever in love with Aunt Brooke?"….Seriously, I'm kinda pissed. I'll tell you something; I've always had the ability to see TV romance possibilities through dialogue, posture, and response. It's my 'suspicion' gift. And if they're going the way I hope they're not, Mark has some explainin' to do. Because, as Brooke most kindly put in perspective; the whole world's been waiting long enough for Leyton and if they're going to turn this into, "I've always been in love with you, _Brooke_," AFTER the whole comet(hope, love, god)/wedding scenario, it's just going to be another fly-by-the crotch-of-your-pants Brucas romance. But maybe Mark will have sense enough not to go down that half-ass road.**

**Either way - though the Leyton/Jamie bed jumping scene _was_ adorable - the second episode did not come all that close to making my expectations…But (as I say every time I express my opinion) that's just me and my worthless thoughts. **

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot turned fiction and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **


	7. The Last Song I Waste On Goodbye

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: The Killer's Come-On/ The Last Song I Waste on Goodbye **

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: Do really need to explain my enthusiasm for using these songs?**

--

--

--

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire."

- Francois, duc de la Rochefoucauld, Maxims (1665)

--

--

--

"Okay."

Leaning down to pick up small confetti and streamer remains, Lucas was stopped at this word.

For the last forty minutes or so, when he had emerged from the outside - into the Scott household, there had been nothing said by either of them. He'd brushed past Haley, out of the room, and, before he could explain, tipped back a drink.

And of course, there was _the glance_ from her. The one that told him exactly what Nathan had that morning. The one that told him that if he started this dead end cycle again, his disconnecting with himself and the world, she'd slap him so hard upside the head that he wouldn't see straight until morning. Yes, he'd put the drink down. But, still, no words had stretched between the two of them.

Truthfully, he wasn't exactly sure whether to be upset within the quiet. He wouldn't know what to say, even if Haley had spoken up. He didn't know whether there really was anything to say, after the way he and Peyton had ended things. All he seemed to know was something about her silence was deflating and almost hopeless; whether it was for him, for Peyton, or for a friend's absence and the time in between…There was something about that silence that he hated.

"What exactly happened with you and Peyton?"

How he missed the silence.

--

--

--

There was not many that could attest to the speed of the vintage Mercury Comet. Not many even knew that a Comet reach a good 90 miles an hour when pushed. Not many knew that, when the top was down and the speed high, it felt as though you were on ice, sliding over the roads, maybe even, if your imagination was wide enough, flying. Not many knew that when the car stopped, it was as if the wind had been knocked out of you. You sputter, gasp, and let your chin drop against your chest, just trying to catch your breath, trying to understand what exactly had just happened.

Peyton Sawyer didn't know exactly what had gotten her so out of touch with the rest of the world. He had no right to say those things…but, God, had that ever stopped him? Had he ever stopped pushing her to open motives and reasons - just when she was pulling away from him, from the entire history and past of this town? Frustrating as it was to her, he just couldn't stop. Just couldn't let her be for one night. Maybe…maybe she could have understood, had she not been leaving. But, for fuck sake, could he not just leave it alone for five minutes? Could he not just leave things as the were - for her sake, even?

She almost laughed, thinking about it, as her knees gave way into the ground under her. Her breath was still heaving lightly and her hands still shook from the intensity of her ride here….At least, that was what she blamed it on.

Lucas Scott was infuriating. From the beginning he had a way of getting under her skin, however inspirational the thought was. He could always get her frustrated; he wasn't supposed to care for her like that. There was a time when she thought she, herself, didn't deserve care like that. Submitting her artwork. Calling Jake. Blowing off the way she said, "I love you." Partly for her sake. He could play 'friend' so easily - just by caring for her. Saving her. It was what made her fall in love with him.

It was what made her _still_ in love with him.

As her laughter subsided, begrudgingly, almost numbly, she stood on two legs. Her mind swore as she started walking to the trunk of her car. _He wasn't supposed to do this_, her thoughts carried on,_ he wasn't supposed to do this to her again_. Grabbing what she knew to be her own plans hurried, her balance stumbled as she weakly closed the trunk and approached the faded past.

She was a mess. And God forbid she ever forget it.

--

--

--

"Haley-"

"What happened, Luke?"

Her voice was soft. It was unexpected, to say the least. He had, of course, anticipated her talking. It had, in no sense though, been so quiet. He had expected her to scream. To cry. To throw books, for Christ sake. He deserved it. He'd messed up, perhaps, worse than ever before…With Lindsey. With Peyton. With himself.

"Hales, it's not-"

"Luke," her voice was not cold or harsh and, instead, was begging, "Please."

--

--

--

_It was a far fall from the independent woman she once was. There was a piece of her she would probably never get back._

"_Peyton," came a call from the Scott door._

_And the blue eyes that held that piece had never looked so terrifyingly unknown. _

_She needed to leave._

_--_

_--_

_--_

"_Peyton," Lucas spoke, this time more softly._

"_Lucas," she started hesitantly, shaking her head. She was hoping to avoid this conversation. "I need to go."_

"_Peyton, please-"_

"_What, Luke," her voice was frustrated and uneasy, but, God, how harsh it could sound from her lips, "What do you want?"_

_And, for a second, he realizes this could be the last he sees of her. One wrong word and she could disappear. She could so easily slip back into the world she'd emerged from just a few months ago. LA. The world she'd rejected him in. The world she'd spent four years in. Without him._

"…_Did you mean anything you said that night?"_

_Her eyebrows pushed together, she opened her mouth to verbalize her confusion. From his tone, she knew he was asking something serious, something she'd probably be questioning the entire drive up. For a moment, she wished she knew what it was._

"_That night at Tric. When you kissed me." The expression on his face was unreadable, as though he had suddenly turned stoic. His tone, however, was laced with a bitter venom. "Did you mean anything you said?" _

_Her eyes narrowed and, before she could stop it, she shook her head angrily. _

"_Go to hell, Lucas." She turned quickly, her veins flowing with the urge to leave, something she wanted to empower. It was like drug; all the fear she had was undermined with need. If she lost it now…_

"_Peyton-"_

"_You have no right to ask questions like that, Lucas," she muttered defensively, continuing her stride._

"_Peyt, please…" As she walked away as fast as she could, he shook his head. Idiot. "Peyton…Peyton, I'm sorry!" Her movement stilled as she looked back at him, her body maneuvered to get a glance at him. "I'm sorry…I know, I can't take any of it back. If I could, I swear…" It took everything she had not to immediately run; in which direction, she didn't really know. "…but I'm sorry, Peyt. I am."_

_Her eyes reached his and, before she lost her momentum, she knew she had to leave. Or she would never go. "I've gotta go, Luke…"_

_Those hurt and bitter blue eyes would haunt her for the rest of her journey away. _

_She needed to leave. _

--

--

--

_Always_, the word she'd just written.

In the time when she was begging him to come back to her, to find her with a bleeding heart, she'd said the words so often it became mantra. They'd said, "Always." They'd said, "True love." You lose the love, you lose the always, she closed her eyes regretfully. The paint on the ground in front of her was drying thin.

She remembered when Lucas had been in the car crash. Pent up emotions, mostly worry, secrets hidden from her best friend; all had caused her to draw a now frequent symbol in her life. _The heart that contained Lucas Scott_. The chalk would fade away, she could've reminded herself as she'd drawn, it could be gone in a moment's notice and no one but her would've known a thing.

_The same idea_, she admitted, _could've been said this creation_. The paint would dry, time would pass, and though it might stay just a while, colored to the place where she and her muse had so much life…But, eventually, it would fade away. And only she would know. Only she would care.

Standing up from her aching knees, she looked over her work.

_Your art matters_, was what was once said to her. _It's what got me here_.

Her art did matter, she ran a hand through her hair, nodding to herself as she traced lines of heartfelt words, It was what was getting her away from here. And, picking up her feet, folding her still shaking hands, looking over what she knew to be the last comfort in Tree Hill, she did what she'd known she'd needed to all day.

She left.

--

--

--

**A/N: THEY STOLE MY IDEA. HMPH. OTH is dead.**

**Song of the Chapter ;**

**When We Were Young - The Killers**

**The Last Song I'm Wasting on You - Evanescence **

**My Last Goodbye - Trading Yesterday**

**OH, YEAH! Yahoo! Updates, updates, updates!**

**.…Okay. For those of you who think I'm leaving you out in the cold, not giving chapters as readily as I should; I need you to understand my situation. I, by nature, am a detailed writer. I write thorough, in-my-own-head descriptions simply because I have been taught to. The longer: the more suspenseful. The more baiting…all to lead up to a satisfying…or _not so satisfying _climax. **

**In short, my written chapters, more specifically the last two have been _over_ 2,000 words. 2,000 words. Novels, if planned out first, often start at fifty scenes per book - thousand words per scene. **

**So, you guys that think I'm trying to bullshit or taking my own sweet time, I'm really not. I've got a lot on my plate, the more serious involving a decision about a move uptown from where I live and the more insignificant involving scholarships and community service credits. So (excuse my French) don't mutter under your breath if I bitch about updating. If I didn't love doing it, I wouldn't. But it's God damned stressful and I like to take it out on innocent reviewers (Just kidding, for those of you who don't get sarcasm). **

**--**

**To get done to story issues…**

**#1) I included Peyton's "Love Song" painting. **

**Why? **

**Well, let me say a few things about the show's portrayal of how this went down, 'kay? **

**The scene where Haley and Peyton are reading Lucas' predictions is supposed to be reason for what she writes. Let me take a minute to groan about how exactly OTH defines inspiration and reason. There was no reason for her to do it on the show. I would've loved it had it had a reasonable form in the plot. But she'd spent all season telling Luke how she feels, begging him to love her back. It seemed…pointless (though romantic). **

**Here, in my little fanfic world, I like reason and inspiration. But it doesn't just appear like magic. And it's often done (with reason) to effect the plot….I know. Wow. Hold your applause until after my little tirade, please. And in this chapter, she has reason. **

"…**Did you mean anything you said that night?"**

**Yeah, she did. But Lucas, like every other delusional and sometimes insecure decision he makes during season 5, questions it. Angrily. Like he'd been wronged. And Peyton (though I wouldn't waste my cynical time) has something to prove. She does it because Lucas just doesn't get it. He doesn't get how much she's already put out there for him and, because of that, leaving him to decide who he was going to be in this would be necessary. **

**#2) No Lucas/Haley conversation about what happened. **

**In short, they'd just had too many to fit another long, disappointed lecture in. It happened, yes, but I'm sure details were limited, there was shaking of the head, ect. Just imagine it yourself. **

**#3) This chapter is only 1000+ words…You said 2000.**

**This chapter is shorter than the rest. It was also, out of all seven chapters written so far, the hardest to write. A lot of important moments in this chapter happen, leaving me with little inspiration and relaxation - rather impatience and deterrence. This chapter was a hard 1000+ words.**

**-- **

**One Tree Hill**

**I am so uninspired by season 6, it's not funny. Leyton NEVER TALKS during this season. I miss their serious talks. Don't get me wrong, their light fluffy talks are adorable - but what made them so…interesting was that they took the fluff out of relationship and made it just them together, reaching their goals or missing them. And I think, sadly, out of all the seasons (even with Lucas and Peyton together), this is the most disappointing for Leyton. All their chemistry…all their connection that went beyond the means of most superficial, more make-out/less talk couples seems distant. Dare I say; gone. **

**Season five could've been a perfect way to broaden the lines and boundaries Leyton crosses. Doubt. Insecurity. Hurt. Redemption. Honesty. I think it really could have been outstanding. **

**I guess I'm feeling a little ripped off. We got jipped a really interesting set of events. And it could've been much more. No trifecta. No Vegas-quickie wedding. Just Lucas and Peyton. Just more. **

**Anyhow, I'm looking for something to inspire my self to make the next chapter large and emotionally gratifying for the viewers….Could your review inspire me? Wanna find out? Click the periwinkle review button, please. **

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic is a one shot turned story and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **


	8. You Could Be Happy, It's Been Awhile

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: You Could Be Happy - It's Been A While**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. If I did, I would have the producer's head right now .**

**A/N: **

--

--

--

"Yon foaming flood seems motionless as ice;

Its dizzy turbulence eludes the eye,

Frozen by distance."

- William Wordsworth, _Address to Kilchum Castle _

--

"Sweetest melodies.

Are those that, by distance, made more sweet."

- William Wordsworth, _Personal Talk_, stanza 2

--

--

--

_You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go_

--

--

--

The sound of music had always soothed her. Whether it was sung by someone close or just…inspiring in its worldwide form. It was soothing because it filled the empty silence she felt. And now….that was just it. There was no silence. Just…pain.

She was five miles away from the pit stop the tour had taken. Peyton hadn't taken an uneasy breath since she left Tree Hill. The truth was, she was afraid of what might happen if she did. Where she might turn around on this god forsaken highway.

Rain pounded against the glass of the car's windshield, making its own dreary music on the outside of the four doors of her Comet. She didn't know when the rain had started. A couple hours ago? A couple minutes ago? It all…seemed like a decade in her mind. Too long, whatever the time.

Shifting in her seat, Peyton gave an abrupt curse as she felt a pinch of her skin - caused by an object behind her. She turned slightly, pulling something hard out from behind her back and jumping as the left tire squealed against the moist road. She grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, letting out a cautious breath as the car steadied itself on the road.

She took a look at what she'd pulled out, one hand still gripping the wheel with vigor. A frame, she'd immediately registered and frowned as she gazed at the particular scene on it. And then away. It wasn't fair…She had said that in her head so many times that night. She shouldn't be thinking that way. It was the way she'd been thinking since…God, had it been three years?

She'd taken this trip to get away from that. Not to dwell on it.

And for the first time that night, she sighed an uneasy sigh.

--

--

--

_And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head_

--

--

--

Lucas Scott had fucked up.

It was funny that he'd just realized that, after listening to his girlfriend-turned-fiancé accuse him of still being in love with Peyton. After kissing said love. After telling her he still loved his new fiancé - and watching her let him go. After watching his fiancé flee from the church they were supposed to be married in. After watching Peyton's face when he'd told her three little words, so different from the implications meant in the movies.

He'd watched both women flee from town, flee from him - and eventually he was left stumbling.

He watched the poison swirl in the shot glass in front of him. For the past hour, that was all he'd been doing. Staring at a drink he knew he couldn't have. Thinking about regrets; the things he should have said - and the things he shouldn't have. Things…God, he knew were wrong but…Jesus, when it came to Peyton Sawyer - he seemed to come to.

Putting the drink back down on the bar, Lucas looked at the unnaturally quiet bar around him. When he'd come back here, he wasn't really sure what he was looking for. He'd sat down clumsily, disbelievingly, painfully - and before long he'd decided to order a shot from Owen (He noted the brunette's reappearance; he would have to ask about that later).

He was itching to open the door to her office. He didn't know exactly why, to be honest. He didn't understand the urge, didn't understand the curiosity bundled under the self control that had been gathering and bonded over the past three years.

It was a form of self seduction, really. He'd sit, staring away from it, ignoring the gut feeling that wanted to deny her leave with everything he had. That wanted her to still be sitting in the chair behind that desk. That wanted it not to be real.

And he'd wait. He'd torture himself and sit there hour after hour if he could. Just waiting for the fact she was gone not to be real. Just waiting for the world to stop spinning. For ice to stop melting in the sun. For life to somehow cease. For Lucas Scott to be able to walk away from the tangled web she left behind.

"Getting drunk again, boozy?"

None other than Brooke Davis….God, he'd fucked up with her too.

"If I am?"

"Well, then," Brooke scoffed in her signature 'Brooke Davis' form, "I guess there's nothing to do to wait until your sober."

He laughed bitterly to himself.

'_Well_,' he let his mind wander for a moment, _'at least she still cares_.'

"Why?"

She sighed, almost ready to leave without performing this favor. "Peyton asked me to give this to you-" She pulls out a small package, a manila folder such a bright orange that it stung his eyes…Well, that could have been from his lack of blinking too- "…when you sober and in the right frame of mind. Can I guess that you're _at least _one of those things?"

"Sober at most," he quipped dryly, surprised as he gripped the package in his hands firmly, "…Thanks, Brooke."

She gave him a look that clearly said she had thought otherwise. "I'm not the one who wanted you to have it, Luke…"

His eyes remark her with a soreness of reputation. One he'd undoubtedly earned.

Same old Brooke Davis, indeed.

--

--

--

_Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur_

--

--

--

"Well if it isn't the greatest record label manager I've ever known…"

Dark hair, a wild grin, and a rock star wink greeted her as she opened the door to the small club she and Mia had agreed to meet at. From the stage, the musician smiled genuinely - and, somehow, through all the appeasing smiles of friends, so fake and _"encouraging"_ (though their intentions were good), it was like a God-send. Smiling back, Peyton stuck a hand on her hip as she nodded approvingly. Slowly, she made her way through the empty chairs and tables.

"Well…if it isn't Mia Catalano, one of the greatest-to-be rock stars I've ever known."

The eighteen-year-old hopped off the stage and, in an instant, the two were hugging and chatting excitedly. When Peyton had asked why the bar was so empty, it had been brought to her attention that the time was bordering on 3 AM. Their show had been done. Musicians on tour, of course, were used to the late nights and even later mornings - so, as they traded information on the goings on of Tree Hill and its outside world, Peyton dared to ask what she had been anticipating since that God-forsaken phone call.

"So…uh, this guy who knew Ellie is he-"

"Peyton, I _told_ him-"

That tone, she immediately recognized. It was one she'd heard several times. When her father wouldn't make it home when he said he would. When Ellie had neglected to tell her about the cancer, the fact that her life was ending without a cure - and tried to explain that she was protecting her from the pain. When Lucas had dodged her hug to inform her of Lindsey. And, again, when he told her he was still in love with _her_.

The tone was genuine. But unlike the smile from the brunette earlier, the genuinity was not treasured. Not in contrast to the pitying reluctance the sentences carried. Not when they gave her that look - the one that said they knew she would hurt and, as though the expression was un-relievable, they seemed unable to remove it.

"He just bailed…" The curly blonde bit her lip acceptingly. "I'm sorry, Peyton."

The young woman shook her head, refusing to let the disappointment ruin her time away.

"His loss, right?…C'mon," she smiled, more self soothing than anything, "Let's hit the road."

It was time to live.

--

--

--

_Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door_

_You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far_

--

--

--

Lucas stumbled as he threw his weight into unlocking the door, trying to push it open. He was impatient enough as it was without his damn door sticking. That, he thought angrily, as he popped the door open with a squeak, would have to get fixed.

He looked down at the package in hand. It was pouring outside. Rain slid down the streets in the forms of waves and, in its path, soaked the blonde. If he was lucky, the package in his hand was not a letter or anything else written on paper. If it was, it certainly wouldn't have survived that storm.

Lucas took the key from the lock, slamming the door on his way in and tossing his keys on his desk. Fumbling through the darkness, he tears at the envelope in his hands with irritated nerves.

It was wrong for him to think like this. To be so frantic, so anxious and longing. But she'd left. _Both of them had left _- and, while Lindsey's key still sat on his dresser, untouched after the hours he'd spent trying to fathom how he'd gotten where he had, he knew that if he didn't open this soon, just to appease his increasing curiosity, he would grow uneasy.

He let out an eased breath as the package paper tore, finally giving in to his mistreatment. And it was with a high look of shame that his gaze finally traced the small disk in his hands…

_Songs that make you think of US._

It was written in the curved, loopy handwriting he'd seen many times before.

And it wasn't long before the sound of their music, _her_ music surrounded his room.

**It's been awhile**

**Since I could hold my head up high…**

…..God, had he fucked up.

And for the second time that night, Lucas stumbled.

--

--

--

_Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true_

_Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do_

--

--

--

**It's gotta be this one**

**Don't have to fake it**

**You know**

**I can take it**

Peyton laughed as Mia nodded her head nonchalantly to the music. Haley James Scott had officially begun a comeback in her music career. It had surprised her, to say the least, when she'd opened up her email and saw the MP3 left for her by the brunette.

**What if I told you**

**Your tears haven't been ignored**

**And everything that was taken**

**Can be restored**

The words were inspirational and, for a moment, Peyton had wondered whether Haley had sent this in midst of her own motivation or to create another's. For a moment, she'd remembered the conversation the two had that morning.

"…_.Sometimes people write the things they can't say,"_ the brunette had said softly - and it had caused a breath of silence that both had known meaningful. To the very least, it had taken Peyton some time to forget these words - or at least put them in the back of her mind.

**Feel this****  
Can you feel this  
My heart beating out of my chest  
Feel this  
Can you feel this  
Salvation, under my breath**

And she was right.

As much as she wanted to dismiss it, her own writing today had proved that.

The day today had been excruciating, emotionally draining, and completely dramatic - but, had the conversation between herself and Lucas never happened, those words never would have been painted across that court. Those words never would have come out through the pain and hurt she'd wallowed in for the past few days.

Those words never would have marked over the faded signature that was once hers.

--

--

--

_More than anything I want to see you, girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world_

--

--

--

**A/N:**

**Song of the Chapter ;**

**You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol**

**It's Been A While - Staind**

**Feel This - Bethany Joy Lenz **

**(Lyrics featured)**

**--**

**OH, YEAH! Yahoo! Updates, updates, updates!**

**Starting with 6x07 - 6x09.…**

"**Good…I love sleeping naked."**

**Greatness. Not just greatness; excellence. **

**6x07 gave us a little bit of the playful Leyton - So we can be thankful they haven't forgotten how to write _that_. For the record, that says nothing about how they've written season six so far; I'm still not liking the less "talkative" Leyton. You have a problem, talk about it, damn it. That was the amazing part of Lucas and Peyton together; they didn't usually need words to speak….And when they spoke, their words were important.**

**--**

"…**We were in love."**

**Now, 6x08 - 6x09. **

**Wow…let's start with Leyton in general. They are talking. _"Wow, people, good start…Now just continue this way and I can take inspiration from the TV screen again!" _So, thumbs up, Mark Swann. Secondly, they have real issues. An ex boyfriend. Keith and his memory…Not whether or not she's leading someone on by accepting gifts (Makes face at "_Browen_")….but back to business.**

_**The "Movie" deal**_**….Am I the only one that misses Lucas' narration of the episodes? Somehow, making it a movie, he seems to be turning all he's done…into fiction. Don't laugh when I say that. I just…sense that tone. I honestly think it was better when I felt like we were glimpsing into Lucas' life through his eyes, rather than just being led on by string. Either way, I'm not sure what I think of Lucas as a script writer. **

**And I'm fixing chapters six and seven…_Since I'm the kind of dork that goes and pauses the screen as the manuscript was shown_. Apparently, her Comet is a '63 and she was listening to _Remedy - Hot Water Music _while almost running him over...At least, so says the script. And, yes, I do like to hear/see these details _way_ too much. **

_**Julian Baker **_**(?) - So far, not making me cringe. And here we thought love triangles were last season. So, what do you guys think of him? **

**And before I hear a word of, _"How can he not 'make you cringe'. H-he's ruining Leyton!"_, I would like to explain why I'm not paranoid about a few flashbacks:**

**#1) _He hasn't ruined anything. _Leyton will be fine. I've come to this conclusion based on one of two things. 1) Lucas had a serious drama fetish season 5; I loved it for what it was…but now it's over. And I have no doubt that this time around, he appreciates the grace it takes to enter a relationship with him after that. 2) Peyton has a _past_ with him. Not a future; no threats; no love confessions…yet. So, all we know for now: he's finally picked up _one_ of the books she bought of Lucas'.**

**#2) _"…We were in love."…._Okay, I'm gonna put this as gentle as I can for those of you who still think uncomplicatedly about love and relationships. Having loved someone, does not mean you will still love them. She probably didn't tell Lucas because she felt like she had…betrayed him (my speculation, of course). She loves Lucas and wanted to get it out in the open…just was afraid to face the music that could have come after. **

**And, as said above, they have gone through too much too let someone else get in their way. Julian was a rebound guy; she loved him - but I bet, sure as I'm rolling my eyes here, it was not what she and Lucas had. After all the relationship she and Julian shared, she still couldn't put down his book.**

…**.Please, make a sexual innuendo about that remark. I seriously dare you…**

**Over all, these three episodes_ rocked _and I hope they set an example for how the rest of season six will go.**

**May I note…I finished this chapter a hour before the episode had aired - hence why I did not include 6x10 review and most was just...speculation and such. I just couldn't post at the time. As for a comment on said episode…Ah hem…Seriously, they worked us up for that? I thought at least, with the previews, that Lucas would do something to push himself away from Peyton. Not let her in...but I'll probably just end up writing a one-shot for the idea.**

**I will update as soon as possible but, since this fanfic began as a one shot and not an OC ship, I will definitely be updating sooner than I do the rest. READ AND REVIEW… **


	9. Sung to Sleep, Words Unsaid

**Title: Always**

**Chapter Title: Chapter 9: Sung to Sleep, Words Unsaid (My Great Memory)**

**Author: Bynamearose**

**Rated: M**

**Fandom: One Tree Hill**

**Pairing: Lucas/Peyton, Leyton**

**Summary: "Always, Lucas. That's what we were supposed to have." AU Season 5 finale - Peyton decides to leave Tree Hill after Lucas tells her he hates her. Unfortunately, Lucas chooses this moment to care.**

**Warning: Spoilers, Slight Language**

**Notes: Just because I can't wait for the 6th season… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. I write actual drama, thank you.**

**A/N: **

**--**

**--**

**--**

"A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen."

- Edward de Bono

--

"'Tis my memory locked

And only you shall keep the key of it."

- Shakespeare

--

_Not that you're the one_

_Not to say I'm right_

_Not to say today_

_And not to say a thing tonight_

--

She always ended up right back here, right back where she started.

Over the years, Peyton Sawyer had developed a few theories on the process of leaving Tree Hill. Sometimes, it was for chances missed, fate unhanded. Other times, it was for love, lost or…to be found. But it was never easy; it was never a simple crossing of the border on what anyone who didn't live in a small town would call the rest of the world. It was gut wrenching. It was nostalgic. It was everything leaving your home was supposed to be.

She'd never really found a home in L.A. She found a place to stay. A job to pay her dues. Someone to fill her bed and certain parts of her heart - if only until he realized there was someone else permanently marked in the latter. And, occasionally, she found a place in her heart where the day looked almost as optimistic as it had in Tree Hill….but it was never home. The feeling never lasted. Never made her feel the same, feel as free and familiar as her home had.

Sometimes, though, she wished coming back was easier.

Or just trying to forget what you came back for.

God, everything came back to him - to that one moment, didn't it? The moment she'd slammed on the breaks and the idiot in front of her lifted up his hood, just to stop and stare. And now it seemed the days after would follow her. Every kiss. Every word. Every memorable action and feeling that had changed - and made her open up her heart.

Brooke had once told her about what she'd said to him after the game where he'd made the last winning shot. How often could you pinpoint a moment and say, "…that was when everything changed"? In her theory, too many times. Too many moments….And the sad thing was she wouldn't give up any one of them.

Their relationship had morphed and changed through a mixture of distance and time, however cliché. He'd pined after her…or so he'd said. She was a bitch, or so she'd said. He wanted her. She wanted him…but not too close. He wanted her….He wanted Brooke. She wanted him. He wanted…someone. She wanted him. He wanted her. Brooke wanted him. Brooke had him. But they wanted each other. They had each other. She wanted to spare Brooke. Brooke wanted to kill her...and him….And he wanted some random stranger from a bar.

Then, suddenly, he left.

And she still wanted him.

And, this time, through all of the more _recent _mess and struggle…_she_ left.

And she still wanted him.

She always ended up right back here, right back where she started.

_Welcome to Tree Hill._

--

_But suffice it to say_

_We're leaving things unsaid_

_We sing ourselves to sleep_

_Watching the day lie down instead_

--

"How is he?"

Nathan Scott was many things. He was a father; he was a husband. A friend…a brother. But by no means did he consider himself a great liar. Not to his friends, not to his family, - and certainly not to his wife.

He couldn't stand seeing her like this, like she had been for the past weeks.

By nature, Haley James Scott was a worrier. She was a meddler and, more often than not, all too persistent in her role. But the thing he'd always admired her for was always there;…she cared. She was patient and kind - and, often times, all too selfless in her deeds, not feeling complete in her life when those around her weren't happy. He loved for that.

But that wasn't to say he would never want to change it; or, at least, the influence it had.

To say that the last four weeks had affected her would be an understatement. The brief sounds of her pleading with Lucas over the phone carried through the house, followed by an angry and tense visit from Brooke, who had started her conversation with what an ass his brother was. It was no secret that Peyton leaving had left her livid. Or that she blamed Lucas.

But, through thick and thin, Haley James Scott was, if anything, loyal. No matter what complaint Brooke could give, Haley was always Lucas Scott's number one cheerleader. She was disappointed, she was…but he was her best friend. And he always would be.

Nathan, himself, at first found a side with Peyton. He'd seen how dark his brother had been lately, how many bad choices had shaped him…He'd even be tempted comment on the ring of chaos Lucas seemed to slip on his fiancé's finger…but knew that leaving it alone would be the best thing right now. Those defensive brown eyes kept him out of it.

"Not good."

"…He didn't answer?" The worried, anxious look she gave made him sigh.

"He answered." Nathan confirmed reluctantly and then shook his head, inclined to say more. "He…didn't look great."

He watched as she bit her lip.

"Was he…sick?"

He paused, letting out a quick breath.

_Sick in the head, maybe. _

"He just looked…frustrated, Hales." She peered at him curiously and he shrugged. "He looked the same way he did when _she_ left:…lost."

Nathan watched as his wife's mouth parted, as though ready to protest, before closing her eyes. For a moment, he wondered whether it might have been better to lie about his brother, even if it wasn't true. Even if it wouldn't help her through the next day. But then she's back, laughing, teasing, and smiling as Jamie and Skills emerge from the front door, a laughing mention of his 'new moves' from the elder. To his surprise, the question that's urged from her lips the next time they're alone is almost cross and more than slightly hurt. She's had time to think about this - and cheerleader no longer fits her description.

"…Where is he?"

Nathan Scott was many things.

But by no means did Nathan Scott didn't consider himself a great liar.

--

_And we are leaving some things unsaid_

_And we are breathing deeper instead_

_--_

They say the person that you love can make and break you.

Lucas had a few loves of his life, all he'd put his unoccupied heart into…no matter how badly they'd ended. Of course, in summation, he'd caused the end result. Every time his heart had opened, he'd never really dealt with Peyton. Never was able to be 'just friends' with her, not without feeling that pull, that connection that kept him feeling sixteen years old and uncomfortable in his own skin. In every relationship, he'd never really shaken insecurity, in himself - or, more commonly, in the woman opposite him.

…Well, almost every relationship.

Lucas watched half-heartedly as a table of publicists, himself, and - to mutual awkwardness - Lindsay fill up a table, murmurs filling the room until Lindsey politely clears her throat, starting the meeting with compliments and thanks. She always was good at that; being kind and courteous. The truth was, the cordiality was part of the thing that drew him to her.

She had been supportive of his dreams, a sort of backbone of his work. That was Brooke's advice, after all. "…become the best person and the best writer you can be." Lindsay had helped him through that. She had.

"…_and then you approach Peyton. And if she comes back to you, you know it's meant to be."_

But somewhere he'd lost the real incentive.

"Lucas?"

Realizing he was being called to, Lucas' eyes shot up to his former fiancé. Her face was nothing but urging and he has only bits and pieces of what she said until she smiles tersely. "…Don't you have something to say?"

And, in a hesitated instant, he was on his feet and standing; though he was not apologizing and giving out the same well-mannered reverence his editor had, instead he was talking about how much this book meant to him - how glad he was that his dreams could be fulfilled once again. He was always good that way, with words. Always talented at finding the right thing to say. As soon as he sat down, he knew Lindsey's eyes were set on him. He realized the past few weeks had changed his perspective slightly; he wasn't as desperate for her reaction as he once was.

They say the person that you love can make and break you.

It was always hard for Lucas to remember that.

_--_

_We're both pretty sure_

_Neither one can tellWe seem difficult_

_What we got is hard as hell_

--

"Luke, they want to do a book tour."

He would be lying if he wasn't ecstatic.

He was. He was amazed. After months of pressure, heartache, and, reopened wounds, his writing had brought about something other than an aborted engagement - something uncomplicated into his life. He was completely ecstatic. How in the world he'd tell her that he couldn't go through it, however, seemed to dim through that blurry exhilaration.

"Lindsay-"

"They've already planned on Los Angeles, Atlanta, Chicago," she interrupted, and he inwardly winced as her delighted smile followed after her, "Luke, they love it."

He can't help it; his conscience is tearing into him about now. He's caused her so much pain and this was her career - this was her reason for working with him. To put this at jeopardy would most likely mean that she would go as far as resenting him. After all, he'd made her work with him; he'd all as well as given up on any other ways of convincing her that he didn't love the girl with a mess of curls and a pair of tempting long limbs. And now he was taking it back.

"That's - that's great, Lindsey, but-"

Not that he loved Lindsey. Not that he really didn't love Peyton. But even he was sober enough to realize that he couldn't chase after her for the same reason he couldn't go on that book launch.

"What, Lucas?"

He wasn't the Lucas Scott he wanted to be.

"Lindsay, I can't."

To be honest, he didn't really know what would make him the person he wanted to be.

"What do you mean, you can't?"

Her gritted words made him outwardly wince.

"Lindsay, I can't go on that book tour. I can't."

"You can't," she registers with disbelief, "Lucas, how long have we been working towards this? How many months - years even - have we been pushing for a finished product? And you're honestly willing to give that up?"

He opened his mouth to soothe her, to somehow calm her as she seethed, but he quickly back-tracked as her fists clenched and unclenched.

"Jesus, Lucas. Do you think it was easy to get them to agree to this? They didn't even want to do a book tour, but I convinced them - and now, no you say you just 'cant'?"

She paced through the room as she went on and his guilt seemed to swarm over him as she looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry, Lindsay."

Her blue eyes closed angrily and, as her next few words race through his mind, she walked swiftly from the room, leaving him with him his own self-reproach.

"_Not nearly as sorry as I am, Lucas."_

--

_A hundred thousand words could not quite explain_

_So I walk you to your car_

_And we can talk it out in the rain_

--

"Sam, I mean it-"

"I'm sure you do," the teen yelled back and Brooke had to grit her teeth to not shout back a few choice words.

Haley James Scott was cruel. Absolutely sadistic. _"…kinda reminds me of somebody else I knew in high school."_ As though she was supposed to just ignore that…A fifteen year old shoplifts her designer chemise and as soon as Haley finds out she's a foster child is, 'Hey, maybe Brooke wants to take her in'? As far as Brooke Davis was concerned, Haley James Scott was vicious.

The sound of her cell phone vibrating against the granite counters brought her out of her reverie.

"Hello," she grits out angrily.

_--_

_And we are leaving some things unsaid_

_And we are breathing deeper instead_

_And we are leaving some things unsaid _

_--_

"…Well, hello there too, sunshine."

"Peyton…" Brooke's voice quickly calmed. "I'm sorry."

Peyton laughed on the other end of the phone. "Bad day?"

Brooke glared at Sam's door, repositioning the phone as she shifted.

"You could say that."

_--_

_I can sing myself to sleep _

_No more_

_No more_

_--_

"Well, it might just be getting better," Peyton's voice was muffled and Brooke strained to hear her friends words.

"Why…" For a moment, Brooke wondered where exactly this call was coming from. "Where are you?"

Peyton sat on the trunk of her Comet, arms crossed and Ellie's jacket thrown over her shoulders. She shifted, looking down guiltily as Brooke's voice could be heard clearly through the phone.

She hadn't expected to stop here really; her office - her former office, if she so chose. Her car was parked almost solitarily in front of Tric and, though the parking lot was clear, she felt as though she had a thousand eyes watching her, waiting on her to make some sort of decision.

"I'm in Tree Hill."

_Oh, hell._

_--_

_Not that you're the one _

_Not to say I'm right_

_Not to say today_

_And not to say a thing tonight_

_--_

**--**

**--**

**--**

**A/N: **

**Song of the Chapter (and in the chapter):**

**Unsaid - The Fray**

…**God, this sucks. No, I haven't left. My computer lost all its files. Every single word I've written, including a sequel to 'Mistake' and a few one shots that rocked my world a few times. Does this mechanical box of short circuits care? Nope. Not one itty bitty shitty bit. Yeah, this sucks. **

**But not half as much as what has come after 6x09.**

**--**

**Goodbye, my almost drama**

**My back is turned on you**

**I should've known you'd bring me heartache**

**Almost drama's always do**

**Dear God. **

**Stop. **

**Cut. **

**That's a rap? **

**Please? **

**Pretty please?! **

**Oh, Dear God…**

…**SHUT UP.  
**

** (Written post 5x09)**

**Name one conflict that Lucas and Peyton have talked over in the last three episodes? I am actually hitting my head against the wall. Seriously, it hurts…but not half as much as this season.**

**I'm honestly down to pure bitching now. Throw in as many charismatic (but frustratingly short) kisses as you like, it doesn't take away from the fact that they aren't talking over anything. Nothing, whatsoever. And, quite frankly, they actually seem to be the new Naley, which (and this is not to offence "Naley" fans or said ship), really just is rather boring. **

**The "Julian" plot was just, in a nutshell, an "almost drama" and, yes, you can quote me on that. He comes, he goes - "Mad!Lucas" and then "PuppyDogEyes!Lucas" (And, if you can't tell I'm being sarcastic with the !'s, you've got something wrong with you) - Peyton's upset and, then…..Wait a minute. How did that episode end again? Oh….Yeah. **

**And they all lived happily ever after. Cute, but completely useless.**

**And here is a nice occurrence I've seen lately. They are a year ahead…twelve episodes into the same season. Wow. Well, that surprised me in 6x09, when we went ahead three weeks. How long do they think we've been watching the show? Honestly, I miss the days when we went day by day like in, oh…..the first few episodes? Uh huh. Great job, guys. Yes, we fast forwarded four years - but that doesn't mean the damn show suddenly goes warp speed. **

**Do I love Leyton fluff? Hell yes. But when there have no issues talked over between them for the past season….it's completely useless. I want them to make up just as hard as they take…but, really, there has been nothing. Nothing talked over, nothing lost. But, then again, this probably their way of wrapping up Tree Hill's final season. At least, with season 7 news and/or speculation (CMM & HB). I really, for the sake OTH's rep and my left over sanity, hope so. **


End file.
